☆ welcome 2 my sketchbook ☆

i wish to create for myself, to expand my skills, to bring my drawings to life. nothing is embarassing. it is better to make something, anything, than it is to keep the thought inside.

i want to create a soft space of lively characters, to see the spark in a figure. i trust my choices and i believe one day i will arrive at my goal when i expect it least.

i am not particular about materials. i use whatever is on hand. i can draw anywhere. i am not limited to material constraints. it is better to make something, anything, than it is to keep the thought inside.

i am proud of my progress, regardless of the amount. i am thankful to have this time to learn and feel each medium out without constraints.

i will share my art with those who have the desire to view it (thank you for being here). i am not ashamed. i can let go of apprehension and doubt to connect with others. connection is the most valuable thing we have.

i fell into a trap of agonizing over details, never being able to finish anything i started because it wasnt "good enough" or "done yet", always restarting. the past few years i have intentionally stopped using materials i can erase, to embrace to process of making art and learn to trust my instincts. i'm still learning all the time, i have no big plan for my art, but i am proud of it, proud of my progress.

i started out drawing myself, documenting outfits, vent art (y'know the stuff), but i have always been propelled into creation through the inspiration that comes from my favourite interests and closest loved ones. i remember drawing kim possible all the time as a kid (). i saw myself in her and even insisted upon being called kim for a while (). i loved browsing deviantart and drawing emo bangs. i also remember creating art at this time felt so deeply personal, not that it isn't still, but my relationship with feeling seen through my art was overwhelming and anyone's interest made me retreat.

as i got older, i started drawing more animals, more fandom things, still so nervous for anyone to see, to find me out as some loser or something. i don't remember much from this time and i don't have any sketchbooks from before 2013. i wish i did.

in high school i got really into one direction (#toxiclarryshipper) and the beatles (i loved drawing george and john). i have a lot of "aesthetic doodles" from this time, really just studies of whatever was on my tumblr blog, but this is when i started attempting a semi-realism. i loved skins uk and my vent art only got more intense as i fell into teenage despair. i was always so scared to take art classes, afraid of being molded into anyone's image but my own. though someone should have told me that everything can be useful, i'm tentatively proud of the progress i've made on my own.

i started junk journaling in 2014 though i didn't yet know the term for it. i love to stuff my journals and fill each bit of free space. i'm on my fifth junk journal now. i collage and document my life, create trackers and write mediocre poetry, all my most sensitive feelings are in my journals.

i continued drawing, though more casually as i got more into playing and studying music, one only has so much creativity it seems, but now that i've set that aside i really feel myself hitting my stride when it comes to visual arts.

since moving in with my lovely girlfriend, i have only flourished tenfold. she introduced me to wrestling and this is where i really started to take drawing the human form seriously. i had drawn mostly women up until that point () and muscles scared me, but this was a great chip in my unconscious transgender armour. i then fell headfirst into batman comics, obsessing over batjokes and finding gender euphoria in the joker. drawing batman is still hard (i hate armour) but he introduced me to reading comics regularly, later expanding to read (and love) justice league international and batgirl 2000. i created my first OC ever because comics began to inspire me so heavily. this era also reignited a deep love for animation, graphic novels, manga, anime, anything i could see myself inspired by.

i have recently fallen into a deep revulsive love with nirvanna the band. they make me sick, and they're trying to make me into a boy i swear. they have infected me with a horrible ill and i must imagine them kissing in retaliation for my gender motion sickness. hope you can understand.